Living in the midst of Brighton’s busiest street (and a 24/7 party), you end up seeing some sights: some hilarious, some cringe, some pretty nasty. Here’s an update on the bizarre crap I’ve seen in the centre of BN1.
A Bomb Scare Not Stopping People From Going to the Pub
It’s not every day your entire street gets shut off and the whole city centre goes into lockdown due to a bomb scare. On Sunday 9th September, lots of the main roads were closed (including West Street), people trying to get into the roads weren’t allowed in, and every street corner was punctuated with a police car and several officers. Being in a bomb scare is strange enough, but being in a bomb scare on West Street just reinforced the classic British attitude to chaos: everyone was still going to the pub. On Twitter, the general consensus was that everyone was just going to Spoons, having a pint and waiting for the whole thing to blow over. Speaking of which…
Everyone in Spoons Being 18 and Bang On It
I have a love/hate relationship with Spoons. The main thing I hate about it is how much I love it. I’m the first to admit I’ve spent way too much time in the sticky, ketchupy beer-stained cesspit that is each and every Wetherspoons. However, I also hate it when people hate Spoons cuz they think they’re above it, and I love cheap drinks, so it’s fair to say I’m always down for a session in the old JD. Last weekend, everyone in Spoons looked barely GCSE age, everyone in there was awkwardly looking at their phones, and most people were going to the toilet in large groups and then coming out wiping their noses as though they wanted all their mates to know they were sniffing budget coke that they’d saved their pocket money up to buy. I saw a stupidly drunk man get served before everyone because he threatened to kick off otherwise; I saw a guy get kicked out and immediately try to run back in; I saw the bouncers pocket any money they found on the floor; I saw a swathe of wasted guys try to chat us up awkwardly by telling us their gap-year travelling stories; I saw about 10 girls in the same outfit – and I loved every second.
A Drunk Girl Explaining Why Her Dog Is Called Karma
The other night I was in the kebabby after having a few drinks, so I was at that level where everything is a bit hilarious anyway. A really drunk girl was explaining to her mate – and the entire population of the kebab shop – that her puppy is called Karma. The reasoning behind this was as follows: she had 2 dogs – 1 male, 1 female – and she didn’t have them neutered. She explained that she told the dogs “don’t have babies”, as a method of canine contraception. Being dogs, they obviously ended up having puppies, and the punchline of the story ended with the woman calling one of the dogs Karma because it was her Karma for not having them neutered. I spent the whole time trying not to crack up.
A Drunk Girl Led On the Floor
Obviously, seeing drunk girls led on the floor happens at least 10 times a night, so this isn’t a rarity for West Street. My encounter with this girl was genuinely upsetting. She was being watched over by her mate and her brother, and without wanting to shame the girl too much, she was in a total state. I offered to call an ambulance, and her mates shouted at me that if I did that, the girl would lose custody her kids. They then proceeded to tell me that if she saw me, she’d knock me out, as she “hates other girls”. To be fair to the girl she couldn’t even walk let alone take a swing at me, but I saw that as my cue to walk away. While this isn’t a DrinkAware advert – it’s always pretty sobering to see people in that state.
Next week I’m gunna try to do something more cheery – so stay tuned x